Kitsch

one week

2011-07-05T00:31:00.004+08:00

it's been one week since coalie left.

i search for him in places i knew he never would be
the bathroom
the kitchen
my office

i see him in things that contain all but memories of him
a black garbage bag

i collect these memories of you in pictures, still images
that do no justice to your breathing self.
each picture, dated, does not look like how i remembered you.

i feel fingers in my brain working like those machines at arcades
limply trying to grab on to moments we spent together

but my mind hangs.

on tuesday i could not believe i was to go on without you
i don't know how a dog could have become so much a part of my identity and existence, especially if he only saw me at home.
i felt like a different person -- it was almost frightening to think that i had changed.

i cried on wednesday night, thinking i wouldn't ever see him again.

then i stopped crying until last night.

the tears couldn't come. i didn't feel any loss anymore, for 4 days. every time i thought of the moment i registered his deathly gaze, nothing comes, i have a numbing sensation around my temples and between my eyes and all i get is an image without emotions attached.

could i have let go so fast?

perhaps i had anticipated his death for so many years that he had already died a long time ago in my heart, killed by my own fear and insecurity.

or maybe i was just distracted?

last night, tiger whined and barked in the middle of the night, into emptiness. feels like i'm doing this all the time -- writing into emptiness, projecting images into emptiness.

i was afraid, my mum tells me that coalie will be back on the 7th day... maybe he came back, but i couldn't see him and i couldn't ever know for sure.

all i knew was that i felt immensely lonely for a while, and finally the tears came back.
i do miss you after all.

and mondays will never feel the same again.

old poem

2011-06-30T09:39:00.000+08:00

i wish i could lock this second in the passing of time
stop breathing
stop thinking
but feel expect give

i wish i could keep this precious minute
for the rest of my life
for the times when i think of you
and miss the me who once loved you

i would live this moment over and over again
in my head
in my dreams
yet be content with the memory of our encounter which
belongs solely to us

Day two

2011-06-29T00:34:00.001+08:00

I think nothing much has changed, we are all feeling more solemn. Every creature in the family seems to have registered Coalie's passing.

He has been so much part of my life that now I really know what it means to have a part of me die. I cannot imagine how my identity has changed forever now that Coalie is no longer by my side.

I cannot even imagine that he is gone. It is too sudden, we all find it hard to accept.

I feel so lost at the sight of his photos. Really, it has come to this... All I have is a photograph... Nothing more physical than the image.

Then again, yesterday taught me that I could only know coalie as much as his physical body... It's the boundary between us, but it's what defines our friendship. There is nothing beyond that I understand, nothing else that I can recognize.

I love him so much even though he doesn't know about what I write about in my thesis, what I'm studying... Why? It's unconditional love, he loves me for who I am not what I do.

That's all...

I thought today would be better, but the moment I woke up I started crying. It is only doing him justice.

Work was a good distraction, but I don't want to forget.

I keep recalling the lifeless image of him, to remind me that the body becomes an empty shell, that all that I know is this shell... I always sense something more, an affinity, but I wouldn't recognize coalie without that physical body.

I miss hugging him n blowing at his face so he'd lick my face.

It's so crazy painful.

Goodbye

2011-06-28T01:10:00.001+08:00

I once dreamt that coalie and I were on a journey, and that he could not go on... And I tried my best to drag him along, begged him to continue walking.... But he could not.

I don't think it's the same today. Coalie left suddenly like he knew I was afraid of seeing him suffer.

When I reached home, he was sunbathing as usual in the garden... But his eyes were so foreign and different. I knew he was gone, he had left me.

I was scared, but I touched him, n tried to call him back.

I never was so close to death before.. N I was afraid I'd grow to be scared of him, which would be the worst thing I could ever do to him.

I scratched the back of his ear as mum helped me do the calling - to my family, to the vet. Sometimes I thought he was breathing... Then I tried to resuscitate him somehow, n got instructions from the vet to check if he was still alive, but to no avail.

I called him back but he did not return.

He had peed a little, n I wiped it off the floor.

We covered his lower body with a towel n I didn't dare to take my hands off his body, fearing that I would be too afraid of him if I stopped touching the familiar black (and white) fur.

I held his paw and we made a paw print. I also took pictures of the parts of his body I loved best - stubby tail, chipped tooth, propped up ear, paws.

Some moments I was glad he looked so peaceful, some moments I was too shocked to register the truth.

I realize now how close death is, how what I've feared for years has finally happened to me.

I lost my best friend and what else can I say?

I told him as I put my head to his body... That I loved him, and that I'm so thankful for all these years, for the great friend he has been.

Coalie I really love you. I don't remember ever loving so much. And love doesn't stop, does it?

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your peaceful exit, with full knowledge of how quietly you've seeped into every part of my existence.

I will love Genie and Tiger more, as they have experienced the same loss as I have... I will use all the attention to be spent on you on them now.

I wish you were here tonight.

But I'm ok. Rest in peace, I love you.

After a while

2011-01-12T10:23:00.001+08:00

I found the following from an old, old blog. It sounds a little depressing, but looking back at those days when I blogged like a child, I think it's deserving of being posted here. =)

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning.
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open
And with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even the sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

You will learn that you really can endure,
And that you really are strong,
And that you really do have worth.

And you learn,
And you learn.
With every goodbye, you learn.

opus number whatever; written on the body

2010-12-27T17:39:00.004+08:00

I am thinking of a certain September: Wood pigeon Red Admiral Yellow Harvest Orange Night. You said, 'I love you.' Why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear? 'I love you' is always a quotation. You did not say it first and neither did I, yet when you say it and when I say it we speak like savages who have found three words and worship them. I did worship them but now I am alone on a rock hewn out of my own body.

CALIBAN: You taught me language and my profit on't is
I know how to curse. The red plague rid you
For learning me your language.

[...]

It's the cliches that cause the trouble. A precise emotion seeks a precise expression. If what I feel is not precise then should I call it love? It is so terrifying, love, that all I can do is shove it under a dump bin of pink cuddly toys and send myself a greetings card saying 'Congratulations on your Engagement'. But I am not engaged I am deeply distracted. I am desperately looking the other way so that love won't see me. I want the diluted version, the sloppy language, the insignificant gestures. The saggy armchair of cliches. It's all right, millions of bottoms have sat here before me. The springs are well worn, the fabric smelly and familiar. I don't have to be frightened, look, my grandma and grandad did it, he in a stiff collar and club tie, she in white muslin straining a little at the life beneath. They did it, my parents did it, now I will do it won't I, arms outstretched, not to hold you, just to keep my balance, sleepwalking to that armchair. How happy we will be. How happy everyone will be. And they all lived happily ever after.

From "Written on the body" by Jeanette Winterson

2010-11-03T09:08:00.001+08:00

what happens when you realise that an unspeakable violence was enacted
unspeakable because the one who speaks it is silenced,
the others remain silent
after the violence there is just silence around a grave

2010-10-31T04:53:00.002+08:00

and after one has painfully dug a hole in the ground
knowing the gaping absence and emptiness
slowly the grave is filled
by the dust and dirt of the living

opus 13; life of a retiree

2010-07-23T12:55:00.008+08:00

because i did not get the peking university summer programme, and i gave up on the semester@sea summer programme, and my yog volunteering stint was not realised....

i had one of the most amazing summer vacations ever, without even leaving singapore (much)!

just a brief update on what has been happening in my life, just for the sake of writing it and feeling good about myself:

1. USP-Piper Intro to Creative Writing Course

my first time going for something that is supposed to empower me and make me feel more confident...? it was really useful, and i enjoyed the environment and learnt a lot, although i felt that if i had put in a greater amount of effort, i'd have gained more. anyway, it clashed with my yog training (exactly same time same day) and because the yog training dates were only announced really late in may, i had already committed myself to this class.

anyway, some pics from the public reading session, which includes me reading a poem about a caterpillar.

2. Excursion with Grandma and Friends

joined my grandmother and her friends for an excursion organised by her temple.

3. Malacca Trip

my granduncle drove my grandaunt, two of my aunts and me across the border to Malacca for a wonderful (extended) weekend of shopping, eating, (minimum) sightseeing.

4. Caterpillars and Bottled Gardens
started making terrariums in bottles as a hobby probably a year ago, but the vacation has given me so much time to beautify my home with plants!

after making a friend a bottled garden with an angel for her birthday, i realised how pretty these little figurines look in glass bottles. a little trapped maybe but cute nonetheless.

most of my bottles were from IKEA, and so are the following containers/pots. it's really affordable!

the following's a cactus garden i made for my mum for her birthday in january. one of the plants died so i shifted this cactus into the middle of the - yes! it's a pitcher! it cost me under $3 from IKEA and it's really user-friendly because you can transport your plant anywhere you want!

the little blackboard was inspired by what was done at BooksActually for their potted plants. i got those at DAISO, 3 mini blackboards for $2.

i like how plants really inspire me... they're always full of life and energy, that kind of force that bursts forward. plants are so optimistic! and they also can beautify your bathroom.

slightly related to my planting spree is my recent love for cute caterpillars. i saw a butterfly lay an egg about a month ago, and i watched and waited for the caterpillar to appear, and then i took the caterpillar and fed it leaves in a container, and then it started to grow really quickly, and then form a cocoon, and finally fly away as a butterfly. then i saw it come back to my garden in the afternoon on the day i released it, and lay more eggs!

so i've taken those eggs and placed them in containers, but they haven't hatched!

BUT i found out that my neighbour's lime plant had at least TWO caterpillars! so now i'm the foster mum of two cute, spikey black caterpillars that will soon grow into beautiful yellow butterflies!

ignore the badly done manicure.

other than that, i can't count how many fun outings i've had with friends this holidays - one of the best! i'm going to miss summer vacation once i graduate and (hopefully) start working :)

opus 12; the saving grace of music

2010-04-06T22:02:00.004+08:00

today i realised how important music is. was reading up on the maguindanao massacre and looked at some of the horrifying images of badly abused bodies... and really felt depressed about existence~ with so much cruelty and violence out there... really makes me question what being human is really about.

i'm really supposed to be working on my essay. but here i am feeling so HORRIBLE.

then i decided to go to youtube (thank GOD for youtube) and listen to some music. and i realised that's the best you can get out of life sometimes. playing, listening... i think that's what music or art is about, it saves you and makes you believe in humanity again.. whatever's left of it.

opus 11; "Equidistance" by Ng Yi-Sheng

2010-03-30T00:22:00.005+08:00

Equidistance
by NG Yi-Sheng

Socrates taught us to love boys and the mathematics. We assume the spherical boy,
equilateral boy, his proof necessarily elegant. Common nights we wake to find
ourselves missing his surface area, warm to the touch; a scalene child
beside us, all knobbled wrists and truncations. I turn and dream

of the heave of his volume, the breadth and square of his utter radius, but

men on camels stalk my sleep who would solve this desert with variables unknown:

let x be the value of he who lies before me, breathing at my feet like a somnolent eleven,

yet I fear to wake, for they have taught me also the use of the zero.

from last boy (2006)

opus 10; don't sue me please

2010-03-28T18:05:00.004+08:00

All in the Family
By PHILIP BOWRING

HONG KONG - Are political dynasties good or bad?

Election time in the Philippines is a regular reminder of the roles that feudal instincts and the family name play in that nation's politics. Benigno Aquino, son of the late President Corazon Aquino, is the front runner to succeed President Gloria Arroyo, daughter of Diosdado Macapagal, a president in the 1960s.

Senate and Congressional contests will see family names of other former presidents and those long prominent in provincial politics and land-owning. But the Philippines is not unique. Dynastic politics thrives across Asia to an extent found in no other region apart from the Arabian peninsula monarchies.

The list of Asian countries with governments headed by the offspring or spouses of former leaders is striking: Pakistan has Prime Minister Asif Ali Zardari, widower of Benazir Bhutto, herself the daughter of the executed former leader Zulfikar Ali Bhutto. Bangladesh has Sheikh Hasina, daughter of the murdered first prime minister, Sheikh Mujibur Rahman . In Malaysia, Prime Minister Najib Razak is the son of the second prime minister, Abdul Razak. Singapore's Lee Hsien Loong is Lee Kuan Yew's son. In North Korea, Kim Il-sung's son Kim Jong-il commands party, army and country and waiting in the wings is his son Kim Jong-un.

In India, the widow Sonia Gandhi is the power behind the technocrat prime minister, Manmohan Singh, and her son Rahul is showing political promise and being groomed in the hope of leading the Congress party and eventually filling the post of prime minister, first occupied by his great grandfather Jawaharlal Nehru.

In Japan, Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama is the scion of a Kennedy-like political dynasty: His father was a foreign minister, and his grandfather was a prime minister.

Indonesia's last president, Megawati Sukarnoputri, is the daughter of its first, and family ties could well play in the next presidential election when the incumbent, President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, must retire. In Myanmar, the durability of the opposition to the military owes much to the name of Aung San Suu Kyi's independence-hero father as well as to her stoicism.

Thailand lacks obvious political dynasties but that is likely because there is already a monarch. South Korea's rough and tumble democracy would seem to leave little scope for dynasties but even there, the political career of Park Chung Hee's daughter, Park Geun Hye, has benefited much from her father's reputation.

With the exception of North Korea, Asian dynasties are a phenomenon of countries that are more or less democratic.

In China, family connections help immensely but the party is still a relatively meritocratic hierarchy. Vietnam is similar. In the Philippines, it is easy to blame dynastic tendencies for the nation's stark economic failures. But its problems go much deeper into the social structure and the way the political system entrenches a selfish elite. It is a symptom not the cause of the malaise.

In India, the Gandhi name has been an important element in ensuring that Congress remains a major national force at a time when the growth of regional, caste and language based parties have added to the problems of governing such a diverse country. In Bangladesh, years of fierce rivalry between Sheikh Hasina, daughter of one murdered president and widow of another, have been a debilitating factor in democratic politics. But their parties needed their family names to provide cohesion and without them there could have been much more overt military intervention. Ms. Megawati was a poor leader but just by being there helped the consolidation of the
post-Suharto democracy.

Dynasties can be stultifying too. In Malaysia, the ruling party was once a grassroots organization where upstarts like former Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad could flourish but over time it has become a self-perpetuating patronage machine. Too many of the key players are the offspring or relatives of former leaders.

There are more fundamental problems, too. Most current Asian dynasties trace themselves to the post-1945 political transformation. In that sense they have become a crutch, reflecting a failure to devise systems for the transfer of power to new names, faces and ideas.

Dynasties are a poor commentary on the depth of democracy in their countries. Without parties with a coherent organization and a set of ideas, politics becomes about personalities alone and name recognition more important than competence. Parties run by the elite offspring of past heroes easily degenerate into self-serving patronage systems.

So dynastic leadership in Asia's quasi-democracies can provide a focus for nations, a glue for parties, an identity substitute in countries that used to be run by kings and sultans. But it is more a symptom of underlying problems than an example to be followed.

______________________________________

this article was taken from this website.

This is the article that offended LKY, PM Lee and SM Goh... for which they got S$160,000 for the damages to their reputation.

Apparently "Reporters Without Borders" (RSF) has written a letter to Lee Hsien Loong about media rights and "press freedom" (read article here). I think the RSF has a point, especially now that I've read the actual Bowring article, which doesn't seem to say much about LKY and family anyway. In fact I've egoistically highlighted which are the important parts of the article that I like and would like to take away - I really think this article makes a good kinda jumpstart for academic thinking about "dynasties" and how it is important in Asia perhaps due to some post-colonial or some local value systems?

Anyway, apart from the S$160,000 which they got, apparently "Last year, Hong Kong-based Far Eastern Economic Review and its editor paid more than 400,000 dollars to settle a defamation suit filed by Prime Minister Lee and the elder Lee, the founding father of modern Singapore" and "A Wall Street Journal senior editor was fined 10,000 Singapore dollars in March 2009 for contempt of court over three articles that were ruled to have insulted the city-state's judiciary."

That's a hell lot of money obtained by sueing people for what they say. I wish I could just do that to those people who have said mean things about me.

remember #2

2010-03-23T01:05:00.003+08:00

everytime i talk to mr zha it dawns upon me how much time has passed since those young days when we met up for dinners in PGP.

i don't know how it always gets so melancholic - i remember watching the fish at the pond behind the blocks for graduate students. i remember the dinners and lunches together. i remember the funny conversations at the staircase or pantry. and the times he just colonises my bed and leaves me no choice but to study at the table.

we never did anything naughty - feels like what friendship really is.

or not?

feels like what ambiguity really is.

i guess that's why i feel this great nostalgia when i think of those times we spent in ambiguity.

still, i know part of the melancholy comes from the fact that in recalling the years that have passed, i can only tell you about the sad things that have happened to me: my cat brownbrown was killed, my new neighbours are strange, my dogs are getting older.....

or the mere mundane stuff that you didn't know 3 years ago: my brother studying music at A levels, i played symphonie fantastique for my last concert, etc.

i don't know if i should conclude by saying that time flies, or that something special happened back then that should explain this amnesia and this sense of loss?

opus 9; le concert~

2010-03-21T01:12:00.002+08:00

watched "Le Concert" with Siti (and Cleon) on the Tuesday before our concert.
Now listening to Rachmaninov's Symphony No. 2 makes me think of political contexts and how music and creativity and the human spirit spirit can thrive under those conditions.

anyway, the movie was about a "fake Bolshoi orchestra" that performed in Paris.

our concert went really well and instead of blogging i really should be studying.

in case anyone still reads my blog, here's what i'm listening to while writing this:

remember #1

2010-03-18T20:13:00.003+08:00

We both stare at the cup of Japanese green tea and the two grains of brown rice floating at the side of the cup.

I say, can I have one please?

You say, look that's you and this is me.

You blow the grains of rice apart.

We frown at each other.

You continue puffing into the cup, as the two grains make their arc around the tea cup and back to each other.

We look at each other, smile and say, yay.

You pass me the cup and I slurp my grain of rice out of your tea.

And you do the same to your grain of rice, before you down the entire cup.

Now I drink tea alone. The good news is, all the grains of rice are mine.

Still I ask, when will we make our arc around the globe back together again?

opus7; 做人要有使命感！

2010-01-10T23:46:00.001+08:00

Today I was watching something about an interview with some guy and he said 做人要有使命感！ which roughly translates into "one must have a sense of destiny!"

Really where is my sense of destiny? When I was younger I probably really did have dreams of changing the world, I think. At least I was somewhat hopeful and ambitious...

But now I think I'm living like what claryce said, with many interests but no passion. Really it's terrible... What moves me? It can't be money. I sometimes have the feeling that I'm driven by my inner capitalist in all that I do, and in all the choices I've made for myself.

This reminds me of my conversation with some supper friends from nusso.. About how capitalism is so pervasive because it's all about personal needs n gains. Everything I do is stained by that greed... I always think "that'll be pretty on my resume." i know I'm not alone, but still, OH NO! :-(

Ok enough of rambling. Will have to add "finding my 使命" as one of my resolutions for this year.

Anyway, check out the frequency of my blog posts! Doesn't this iPhone application rock big time?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

opus 6; blogging from iPhone!

2010-01-10T12:47:00.001+08:00

Wow, technology!

Blogging is now so easy I don't think I'll be putting off to tomorrow what I should blog today anymore..

Check out my cool default signature below!

Oh my god did I just add an image?

I <3 iPhone :-)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

opus 5; if on a winter's night a traveller

2010-01-06T17:15:00.002+08:00

i just finished "if on a winter's night a traveller" by Italo Calvino and i have to say that i feel both rewarded and relieved.

as i was making my way through the novel i was really torn apart by the opposing forces of my irritation by the novel and the curiosity it sparked.

anyhow, i was trying to figure out what the translator meant by "the hero of them all is you, the Reader." i hope i arrived at some sort of enlightenment with what i'm going to type next.

apart from my irritation with the novel, i think what it really is about is the construction of fiction and the difficult relationship between the author and the reader. although i really hated how surreal parts seemed to destroy the realistic moments, i think it was really good to kind of knock the reader out of his/her comfort zone... to examine issues like the idea of a beginning and an end... the nature of fiction and writing....

in any case i'm glad i survived it. i think i'm not a mature reader enough to really have an epiphany after reading the novel... but i do sense something profound lurking in those words that makes this novel so popular.

anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR. it's been another long time since i blogged and actually i have so much to say, but i keep putting it off because blogging shouldn't really be a priority.

nevertheless, i'll be back real soon!

opus 4;

2009-11-17T05:29:00.001+08:00

opus 3; i shouldn't be blogging

2009-11-16T03:01:00.003+08:00

i know i shouldn't be blogging if i haven't started on my TS4220 paper but i'm so tired of writing, you know!

i just wanted to blog about how saying "i dont wanna have kids" is never the right thing to say to a guy you wanna have a long term relationship with. i think guys in general just want to have kids. it must be fun right? i'd love to have kids too if i were a guy. think about it, ........ of course! i wldnt have to worry about childbirth, about walking around for 9 months with a growth in my uterus.

i watched a video on youtube about childbirth and it's really disgusting.
you know not only is childbirth painful (imagine a head coming out of your vagina?!), newborn babies are really wrinkly and ugly (wtf a monster just came out of me), and children are monsters we have to remain committed to for at least 16 years.

last week in the lit honours room we were discussing about how disgusting babies really are.

they are the most useless creatures on earth! claryce was saying that babies are such abject creatures.

i totally agree.

if u think about it, a baby can't even try to escape danger. it cant run or anything, and it relies on its parent to feed it, it cant even move towards its parent! if u leave a baby on its face, it will just suffocate.

a baby is just this writhing, squirmy, monstrous, deformed THING.

okokOK i know sometimes i feel maternal and i feel that being a mother is really one of those WOMANLY experiences and if i'm feminist i could view it as not merely reproductive but actually creative........................

nono for now im not convinced.

opus 2; hakuna matata, not vagina dentata!

2009-10-21T11:50:00.005+08:00

actually recently we've been thinking (in lit class of course) about the vagina dentata thing.

it is true, things like this can happen - its a medical condition.

it is also part of folklore in several different cultures, to discourage sex with strange women or rape (i am quoting off wikipedia).

what i dont like about it is how it returns to the castration complex and reasserts the man's phallic power.
what i also don't like about it is how a woman can be seen as monstrous. her vagina, a site of pleasure and creation/birth, can be seen as potentially dangerous.

it's so primitive!

move over, vagina dentata!

nevertheless, in response to the love of female privates, some artists have gotten really creative!

Mimosa -something - an artist's reaction to the whole vaginal fetish. here's a big vagina bicycle!

some couch that looks vaguely like a vagina.

REBORN!

opus 1; reborn

2009-10-21T11:37:00.002+08:00

sometimes i want to shout, "I LOVE KAFKA!"

perhaps to the sea, like how people scream their sorrows out at the beach in hong kong drama serials.

sometimes i wonder why do i bother writing meaning into other people's words. it's all the same slippery chain of signs and signifiers.

how long can i defer meaning before i realise that central to everything is that very lack of meaning?

sometimes i sit in my darkened room wondering why. why what? just why.
otherwise i just surf - how strange this word now seems, surfing, how 'cool' - the internet for something anything that makes me laugh.

opus 226; my rusty blog

2009-07-22T14:02:00.002+08:00

wow i haven't updated my blog in more than a month! isn't it ridiculous??

this time i've got an excuse--- i just came back from almost a month of travelling Beijing and Seoul.

was in beijing for UCV2206 Chinese Thought and Culture from 2009.06.28 to 2009.07.11 and followed by Seoul with NUSSO from 2009.07.12 to 2000.07.21.

it's been a wonderful time although i got homesick almost halfway through! i'm glad to be home~~~~~~

okay! will update again with pics. :)

opus 225; nothing better to do

2009-06-15T22:12:00.003+08:00

opus 224; funniest day of my life!

2009-05-15T09:26:00.003+08:00

yesterday,

i went shopping with my mum at the ISETAN private sale. didnt really buy much but there were SO MANY people! in the end we decided to get a mos burger for my brother before we left to pick him up from school. mum n i took turns to go to the washroom because we wanted to save time. i went to order carlin's mos burger first, while mum was in e washroom. then when she came back it was my turn.

when i walked into the washroom it was totally empty! and i was thinking... wow we needn't have done this. and i couldnt find a single clean cubicle! it was so smelly and i was thinking "wow singapore really not OK" if you are singaporean u get what i really mean.

and then when i was in the cubicle i was reading graffiti on the toilet door.. it was strange~~ one said "MEN2MEN 9*******"... and another had drawings of shit... :S:S:S

the toilet seat was SO dirty too! there were drops of urine on the seat cover n i was really disgusted!

anyway, i quickly peed and came out and GUESS WHAT!

I SAW URINALS!

cheng cheng cheng!

as i washed my hands i noticed the urinals and that the person beside me washing his face is a GUY! i quickly ran out and hoped the women in the long queue didnt see me coming out of the guy's toilet.

RAWR! so disgusting!

FML!

opus 223; one of those days..

2009-04-19T21:39:00.001+08:00

i need inspiration!

today's one of those days i feel totally aimless. i seriously need to get down to writing my term papers, reading my texts... but im so uninspired.

MAYBE i need retail therapy.

so far i've been buying clothing every week! last week i bought a blouse, this week i bought a dress!

im going crazy!!!!!!

ahh! .

:(

opus 222;

2009-04-16T10:22:00.001+08:00

opus 221; fmylife!

2009-04-15T10:21:00.002+08:00

today i had a totally fmylife moment!

i rushed to school for my en3228 tutorial only to find out it had been cancelled - no more tutorials this week! okay it is my fault, i shouldve known. but then! all the way to clementi for one hour of class only to find out that ive got nothing on today!

maybe the invisible hand of god knows i'd slack if i were at home, so he made me come all the way down to write my essay!

blah!

opus 220; the flea

2009-04-11T23:05:00.001+08:00

The Flea
by John Donne

Marke but this flea, and marke in this,
How little that which thou deny'st me is;
Me it suck'd first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled bee;
Confesse it, this cannot be said
A sinne, or shame, or losse of maidenhead,
Yet this enjoyes before it wooe,
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two,
And this, alas, is more than wee would doe.

Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare,
When we almost, nay more than maryed are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is;
Though parents grudge, and you, w'are met,
And cloysterd in these living walls of Jet.
Though use make thee apt to kill me,
Let not to this, selfe murder added bee,
And sacrilege, three sinnes in killing three.

Cruell and sodaine, has thou since
Purpled thy naile, in blood of innocence?
In what could this flea guilty bee,
Except in that drop which it suckt from thee?
Yet thou triumph'st, and saist that thou
Find'st not thyself, nor mee the weaker now;
'Tis true, then learne how false, feares bee;
Just so much honor, when thou yeeld'st to mee,
Will wast, as this flea's death tooke life from thee.

I'm reading the above poem for my English Renaissance class... and it's SO FUNNY! GOSH I LOVE SEXY SEDUCTIVE LOVE POEMS!

here's one more by John Donne... HOHOHO!

ELEGY XX. TO HIS MISTRESS GOING TO BED.
by John Donne

COME, madam, come, all rest my powers defy ;
Until I labour, I in labour lie.
The foe ofttimes, having the foe in sight,
Is tired with standing, though he never fight.
Off with that girdle, like heaven's zone glittering,
But a far fairer world encompassing.
Unpin that spangled breast-plate, which you wear,
That th' eyes of busy fools may be stopp'd there.
Unlace yourself, for that harmonious chime
Tells me from you that now it is bed-time.
Off with that happy busk, which I envy,
That still can be, and still can stand so nigh.
Your gown going off such beauteous state reveals,
As when from flowery meads th' hill's shadow steals.
Off with your wiry coronet, and show
The hairy diadems which on you do grow.
Off with your hose and shoes ; then softly tread
In this love's hallow'd temple, this soft bed.
In such white robes heaven's angels used to be
Revealed to men ; thou, angel, bring'st with thee
A heaven-like Mahomet's paradise ; and though
Ill spirits walk in white, we easily know
By this these angels from an evil sprite ;
Those set our hairs, but these our flesh upright.
Licence my roving hands, and let them go
Before, behind, between, above, below.
O, my America, my Newfoundland,
My kingdom, safest when with one man mann'd,
My mine of precious stones, my empery ;
How am I blest in thus discovering thee !
To enter in these bonds, is to be free ;
Then, where my hand is set, my soul shall be.
Full nakedness ! All joys are due to thee ;
As souls unbodied, bodies unclothed must be
To taste whole joys. Gems which you women use
Are like Atlanta's ball cast in men's views ;
That, when a fool's eye lighteth on a gem,
His earthly soul might court that, not them.
Like pictures, or like books' gay coverings made
For laymen, are all women thus array'd.
Themselves are only mystic books, which we
—Whom their imputed grace will dignify—
Must see reveal'd. Then, since that I may know,
As liberally as to thy midwife show
Thyself ; cast all, yea, this white linen hence ;
There is no penance due to innocence :
To teach thee, I am naked first ; why then,
What needst thou have more covering than a man?

opus 219; hello cyberworld!

2009-04-11T22:34:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder who reads my blog! it's so neglected~ by me.

it's been a really crazy time....... april is!
apart from the crazy essays i have to write (four more to go... a total of about 15k of words, words, words!) it's also the time of the semester when i regret not studying harder, not paying more attention in class, not being more active on the IVLE forum, ............

and APART from THAT, my life has also been really really eventful AND thoughtful. :-O

my cousin's grandma passed away about two or three weeks ago, and i attended the last day of the funeral. death really scares me. the whole "death is not, death isn't." thing. it really is an absence, a permanent one. and somehow i find myself to be someone who hates things that are permanent - i enjoy feeling that things are indefinite, constantly in flux... i hate tattoos, scars, pen ink, .....

when i was there looking at them move the coffin, it felt really surreal. sometimes the coffin was just a coffin... sometimes it seemed to take on the "life" of the person it contains. i can't really make sense of that sentence because a coffin doesn't carry a live person literally.

what i really mean is, sometimes the coffin seems just like ... a piece of furniture. it seems like an end in itself.

sometimes (and by "sometimes" i do mean those fleeting, pensive moments i experienced during the ceremony) the coffin seems to be so heavy with the memories, the relationships, the life of the deceased.

and i found it really quite painful.

i remember when my neighbour's mum passed away, i attended the funeral and the final cremation ceremony. and when the coffin was pushed into the furnace, my neighbour broke down in tears. and i felt this surge of empathy - i really wanted to cry too! it seemed so terrifying - whatever was left would be gone. even if we kept pictures, belongings... they are all somewhat performative, seemingly representing and mirroring, but never giving us the real essence,... because there's nothing in the core of these images and symbols.

i feel like im not authorised to be sad for these people. it's not my loss really, i can only imagine how painful it must feel. but crying for distant relatives or acquaintances, that does come across as a little patronizing and superficial. i'm really just trying to get used to death.

last night my mum was clearing old photos... black and white photos of when her grandma was young, with random unfamiliar people. my mum decided to throw some pictures away and somehow it felt really sad to me... maybe because i'm into kitsch, old vintage black and white photos.... but i hope to be much more thoughtful than that, and i think perhaps it has something to do with how pictures are all that's left... it's an ode to the person's life, a tribute. again, there's no longer a core to this person...all that's left are representations, things that remind us of their existence. what if, when we throw these pictures away, there is no one left on earth to remember them? is life then just like this - you die and people remember you for a while and then you're forgotten by the world, like you never existed? proofs of your existence are destroyed, you are arbitrary, insignificant in the larger course of things.

ouch.

anyway, these are just some of the things that have been going through my mind when i should be writing my EN3221, EN3228, USP3501, USP3505 final essays and term papers.

JIAYOU everyone for the upcoming exams!

opus 218; finally someone asks the question!

2009-03-31T09:43:00.002+08:00

Commentary: Why aren't celebrities adopting U.S. kids?
By Roland S. Martin
CNN Contributor

Story Highlights
Roland Martin: Madonna waiting to hear if she'll be able to
adopt child from Malawi
He says it seems celebrities are always going
overseas for adoptions
Martin says the law should be changed to make U.S.
adoptions easier
He says it would help reduce the backlog of 500,000 in
foster care

Editor's note: A nationally syndicated columnist, Roland S. Martin is the author of "Listening to the Spirit Within: 50 Perspectives on Faith" and "Speak, Brother! A Black Man's View of America." Visit his Web site for more information. For the next few months, he will be hosting "No Bias, No Bull" at 8 p.m. ET on CNN while Campbell Brown is on maternity leave.

(CNN) -- Pop star Madonna is back in the news; this time, heading back to the African nation of Malawi to adopt her second child.

You might remember all of the drama a few years ago when Madonna adopted a Malawi boy. Now she wants to adopt a girl, and a judge has said she will have to wait until Friday to see if she will get the go-ahead.

Madonna has been quoted in the Malawi newspaper Nation as saying, "Many people, especially our Malawian friends, say that David should have a Malawian brother or sister. It's something I have been considering, but would only do if I had the support of the Malawian people and government."

It seems that anytime we hear about celebrities like Madonna adopting, the children are from another country. I'm not at all opposed to children being adopted from Africa, China or any other country, but it does raise the question: What's wrong with adopting American children?

Now I'm not against anyone providing a secure, loving home for a child, but it seems to me that these stories often reinforce a growing public image of adoption for many Americans: that of a rich, famous individual going to a developing country to adopt a child.

According to various adoption and governmental agencies, more than 500,000 American children are under foster care, and many of them are waiting for adoption. From coast to coast, babies to toddlers to teens are desperately looking for a home where they can be loved, nurtured and provided for.

Now, it would be easy to blast these celebrities by saying it's the hip thing to walk around with an international child, but truth be told, we've got a serious adoption problem in this country.

Single mothers have a difficult time adopting a child, and several I know personally have gone overseas. And let's not even talk about the red tape and bureaucracy!

American parents are made to jump through enormous hoops, and the process takes years, instead of months. And all too often, single people and married couples simply grow disenchanted with the process.

We can sit here and criticize Madonna all day, but enough with ripping her. Our energy should be put into a call for massive adoption reform. Don't just bang out an e-mail or blog and get caught up in the celebrity hype.

If you think it should be easier to adopt American children, demand that your local, state and federal election officials clear the pathway to make the process easier. And let's have more consistency. Having 50 different states set their own policy, is frankly, nonsense. With so many rules, no wonder folks throw their hands up and move on.

The goal of adoption is to put children in loving homes and not have them be the responsibility of the state. Making it harder to adopt affects you in your pocketbook because taxpayer money is spent to care for the children. So changing the laws not only helps the child, but also is fiscally prudent.

So what are you prepared to do?

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Roland Martin.

opus 217; the calm before the storm

2009-03-19T23:10:00.002+08:00

what a coincidence!

i haven't posted anything in 12 days, that means.

week 9 is coming to an end~ it has really been a very calm and eventless week - apart from the USP3501 presentation/class facilitation on monday. but its set to get worse! i have 5 essays coming up, apart from the 3 exams for this sem.

and i haven't finished reading my texts yet!

getting anxiety attacks soon!

opus 215; 6 more days!

2009-03-08T00:49:00.001+08:00

opu 215; chatty evening

2009-03-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

tonight i saw claryce. i cant believe she's back! it didn't even feel like she was gone. claryce was telling me about how she finds singapore really restrictive and many things about singapore really flawed.

then inspired by our conversation i went on with a lengthy discussion with siti about crazy things like the subjection of women, kristeva's the abject, singapore's sinicization, living abroad, and other random things.

im putting this entry here to make myself sound more intellectual than my blog portrays me to be.

seriously, my blog has been of late a site for my ranting and whining. and im ashamed of that. im really sorry about that, dear reader.

life has been giving me lemons lately. i can't think of anything inspiring to say about my life.

anyway, because of my crazy life, i'm really glad to be in singapore. im apathetic and its okay to me, for now. i wanna stay here because i think its nice and safe, as long as i dont get involved in politics and i dont break the law.

i used to have romantic fantasies of living abroad, in some sort of "voluntary exile". because then i'd be able to appreciate singapore as a country, a culture, a community of people, not as a state. nostalgia is good and nostalgia makes everything blurry and pretty.

but ive thrown that idea aside for a while. no time, no time!

i was thinking, if my parents had sex mechanically, with the whole aim of producing me... how nice would that be! but i'm sure they didnt. i'm just a byproduct of their pleasure. so sex for pleasure gives rise to the accident of existence. life is all about sex then. why are we being so hush-hush about it?

but i say only, i also liddat!

okay sorry charliean moment. :(

i'm tireddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

opus 214; i am sseaypsick

2009-03-05T22:53:00.004+08:00

i miss being on a ship.

i miss being somewhere out at sea, surrounded by everchanging waters.
i miss watching the night sky lit with stars, bright.
i miss watching the sun rise out of the ocean.

i miss the assurance of each new day, laid out for me in advance.
i miss the rocky, rainy nights when i snuggle safe in my cabin.
i miss the lovely mornings.

i miss being elsewhere.

i miss floating around in a perpetual state of displacement.
i miss the temporary sense of freedom in a little, unchanging community.

i miss waking up finding myself at a different place in the world every day.

i really miss being on a ship.

opus 213; one liner

2009-03-03T23:16:00.002+08:00

charmaine: eh, my concert, you coming?

opus 212; so far so bad!

2009-03-02T20:08:00.003+08:00

these few weeks are looking to be the worst in my semester... sometimes i can't figure if it is because i'm busy with NUSSO, or is it because i've got bad time management (highly likely), or my modules are just demanding.

firstly, i must say im so thankful i didnt fail my usp3501 gender midterm. i really felt bad for handing in that paper. i'm glad i didnt fail it although that doesnt mean i did well or satisfactorily.

secondly, i'm glad i managed to finish my en3221 english renaissance essay on marlowe's dr faustus early today, even though it meant skipping the lecture.

other than that, im just basically trying to get by with a super short term list of things to do..... each day is a challenge!

im just whining.

i love whining. but it's far from therapeutic. i really need to do something recreational without feeling any guilt. i can't even sleep 3 hours without waking up in anxiety! this is madness.

whine whine.

opus 211; paradise lost

2009-02-28T20:07:00.002+08:00

words, words, words.

i'm so stuck in paradise LOST.

John Milton, i want to have my paradise regained!

opus 210; movies i wanna watch

2009-02-28T12:20:00.003+08:00

why now got so many nice movies

why now got so many things to do :(

opus 209; "A New Season" by NUSSO

2009-02-24T09:35:00.011+08:00

Celebrating 30 years of touching lives with music...

The NUS Symphony Orchestra Presents
A New Season
(part of the NUS Arts Festival 2009)
Saturday, 14 March 2009, 8pm, University Cultural Centre Hall
Tickets at $15 and $18 (includes Sistic charge)

Join the NUS Symphony Orchestra for an evening stroll through the seasons, with a perfectly-themed repertoire inspired by nature, as we celebrate 30 years of touching lives with music!

Bringing the orchestra to new heights is the premiere of a composition by homegrown talent Emily Koh, wholly inspired by man's relationship with our environment. Infusing interactive digital media into symphonic music, this newly commissioned work is guaranteed to stimulate the senses and elevate the audience experience.

More familiar are Smetana's Die Moldau and excerpts from Vivaldi's The Four Seasons, which will feature the virtuosity of two young and gifted soloists from the School of the Arts Singapore, Helena Dawn Yah and Ryce Lee.

It is, however, Schumann's "Spring" Symphony No. 1 that promises to be the highlight of this milestone concert – its fanfare signifying spring-awakening, with its longing for a lush springtime and the preparation for the new season.

Event Details

When: 14 Mar 2009 (Saturday), 8:00pm
Where: University Cultural Centre Hall
How: S$15 & S$18 (includes Sistic charge)

Programme

SMETANA
The Moldau, from "My Fatherland"

VIVALDI
Selections from "The Four Seasons"
1. Autumn
2. Winter

EMILY KOH
About E.C.O.

SCHUMANN
Symphony No. 1 in B-flat Major, Op. 38, "Spring"

Book your tickets now!

Tickets from SISTIC
Website: http://www.sistic.com.sg/
SISTIC Hotline: 6348 5555
SISTIC Authorized Agents islandwide

General Sales Discounts
NUS Students - 15% discount for all categories
NUS Staff and Alumni - 10% discount for all categories
Group Bookings - 20% discount for every 20 tickets purchased
School Bookings - 1 free ticket for every 10 tickets purchased

Group and School bookings available only through NUS Centre for The Arts
Contact Betty Lee at 6516 5278 or bettylee@nus.edu.sg

opus 208; a happy morning

2009-02-24T09:15:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling great today!

havnt felt GREAT in quite a while... although i've got lots to do and lots to worry about and we're 4 days into recess week but i don't foresee myself having the chance to even step onto orchard road or do have a happy slacky shopping day and i'm going back to school most of this week, today just seems so beautiful ~~

do you realise how lovely the weather is?

well, i'm just a very happy person today :) and i think nothing can dampen my mood today! even the meeting tonight, the deadline for my essay tomorrow and my crazy neverending to-do list!

whee!

opus 207; floating days

2009-02-19T04:08:00.005+08:00

sometimes i miss those days of floating around,
without a care for the real world

then, everything else could wait

opus 206; here i love you

2009-02-15T21:40:00.002+08:00

Here I Love You
by Pablo Neruda

Here I love you.
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.

The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.

Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.

Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.

The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.

The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.

opus 205;

2009-02-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

the night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance.

opus 204; sinusoidal

2009-02-15T14:36:00.002+08:00

after a high i should know i'd always plunge into an all-time low.

i really just don't want to be dragged into thinking too much when i try my best to avoid facing all the issues.

maybe im so emo because i finally ended hell/heaven week and it's taken it's toll on me. finally i feel that dissipation of pent-up frustration and confusion...

i know you care but

please just let me breathe.

not waving, but drowning

opus 203; 22!

2009-02-06T02:01:00.002+08:00

i'm 22!

it's been a great birthday! :) for the following reasons:

1) i received a great present from japan~~
2) NUSSO (courtesy of Terence) gave me an AMAZING chocolate cake--the BEST ever!
3) because of facebook, casual friends wished me happy birthday as i walked around school
4) 75 people on facebook wished me happy birthday on my birthday itself
5) i got lovely presents/cards from lovely friends <3<3

what makes it better:

1) seeing michelle before she flies to germany for exchange
2) dr yew postponing the deadline for the asianism essay
3) going to mo-ippai tomorrow with SPYs

okay im really tired! thank you everyone for making me smile today!

:)

opus 202; so ends week two

2009-01-23T10:58:00.004+08:00

and so my week 2 has ended. it's only 11 am on friday, but because i overslept i couldn't turn up for class! and even though it's a lecture, attendance is taken. so i'm screwed!

i think this week has so far been a mad rush. i hope i get back on track. i don't really want a repeated year 1 sem 2 when i'm so desperately wanting to pull up my CAP.

for some reason i'm really tired.

i've started to lag for my readings - i'm mostly worried about readings for the usp3501 the gender module, which are alot! i print them like... 1/3 at a time, so as not to jam up the library printer!

but that's no excuse. i've barely started on the texts for THIS week (which is incidentally coming to an end)!

oh please, charmaine, save yourself!

i'm so not looking forward to CNY.

opus 201; first week of school!

2009-01-15T22:35:00.004+08:00

wow i haven't blogged for so long! i'm quite amazed by how rarely i blog nowadays...

my life has been far from uneventful~~

in fact the next event's coming up pretty soon .. this saturday, NUSSO's chamber groups are performing in the following:

Miniatures 2009
Saturday, 17 January 2009, 8pm
University Cultural Centre Theatre
Free Admission

please come support!

other than this, i got the five modules i wanted... and i have a 4-day week, with tuesday as my free day and wednesday filled with only tutorials which haven't started. this week however i seem to be in school every day!!

i'm amazed by the number books and readings i have to do this semester... please wish me luck!

but i'm really excited.. all the modules i'm taking are exciting... maybe the lit ones are just so-so... but they're okay. i think lit modules can't be that boring.

i have the following classes this semester:

EN3221 The English Renaissance
EN3222 The Eighteenth Century
EN3228 Women Novelists 1750-1800
USP3501 The Problematic Concept of Gender
USP3505 Asianism and Singapore

don't they all sound cool! but the readings and texts are promising to be hell!

dekiru!

opus 200; happy new year!

2009-01-01T18:08:00.003+08:00

dear all,

after my return from SSEAYP i've been sucked into this ulu pasir ris existence. my crazy week-long fever is one of the largest causes of this crazy lack of participation in matters regarding the world of the happening, aka the world of life.

now that i'm free of the delirium caused by the mysterious high fever that attacked me two tuesdays ago, i believe myself to be ready for the new year. it has, after all, just begun.

focus charmaine you can do it!

thank you everyone who was right there when i was away, and thank you for keeping everything going while i've been down. your help and effort were invaluable and much appreciated.

cheers to a new year!

opus 199; coping with death part II

2008-12-20T22:30:00.005+08:00

i didnt manage to finish the previous entry, not because i got all emotional and cried. i've been rather stoic when it came to dealing with brownbrown's death. i don't approve of this behaviour at all, and i feel guilty for not mourning in the typical way - crying.

sometimes when i look at his pictures this great sense of loss rushes over me. pictures used to be the representation of brownbrown's cute moments captured on film. now pictures are all i have - pictures are brownbrown. there is nothing more than a picture, unless you count the memories i have of him.

i can't believe how he's no longer going to look for me in my room, rub his face against my heel, or mew quietly when i call his name.

i can't believe he's gone.

and the most pathetic part is that i can only deal with his death by writing it on facebook or MSN, putting his pictures up on my blog, my avatars and display pictures... it's so laughable.

and i feel guilty once i take these down. i feel that somehow i'm expected to mourn forever. but i just can't. life goes on. i think that's the most painful part of it all.

i can't believe life goes on. even though he's gone.

and then i slowly remove his pictures because i can't bear to see them anymore. as time passes, the pain doesnt get better, it gets worse. i feel him drifting further and further away from me, and i feel myself forgetting him slowly - all the little things he does, i begin to forget. and remembering is more and more painful. and his place around the house gets smaller and smaller, more and more replaceable.

and that hurts really badly.

why am i dealing with it this way, what am i crying for?

opus 198; coping with death

2008-12-16T18:19:00.004+08:00

it's been about five days since i found out about Brownbrown's death.

i cried when i heard about it - my brother telling me "Brownbrown died."

these two words still echo in my head, i remember the exact moment when i heard it, the strange swirl of emotions within me, the disbelief, the shock, the horror

until now i continue to repeat these words to myself, and feel the same confusion - i repeat to numb myself from the pain but i can't

i don't understand - i can't accept it. i can't deal with his death.

brownbrown was found dead outside my house, bleeding from the mouth and with some bones broken.

although i never expected it to happen, i always had this feeling that something bad would befall brownbrown.

brownbrown came with baibai more than 2 years ago after my aunt saved them from under the bonnet of a truck. they were both skinny and dehydrated but they soon grew up to be healthy, active kittens.

my filipino domestic helper used to cane them when they were older to chase them home and discipline them. baibai is the more cheerful of the two, so

opus 197; in loving memory of brownbrown

2008-12-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

brownbrown, i'm missing you.

one night in 东京，我留下许多情。。。i'm not drunk, i'm SOBA!

2008-10-30T06:52:00.006+08:00

HELLO minna-san!

it's morning here on e last day i'm in JAPAN! later we will be going on board NIPPON MARU, like finally!

despite some of the boring or frustrating times, it's been generally really fun!! let me give a picture presentation of my experience!!

(aiyo i waiting for pictures to be copied onto my comp! what slowpeasiness!)

DAY ONE (21/10/08)

the send off at changi airport terminal 2..

arriving at japan

first meal in japan... bento!

exploring the vicinity of sheraton miyako hotel

DAY TWO (22/10/08)

at asakusa shrine

going to shinjuku

DAY THREE (23/10/08)

going to gunma prefecture

meeting e vice governor of gunma

DAY FOUR (24/10/08)

visit to kaneko minami elementary school

homestay matching

chindonya at homestay matching ceremony

beautiful room

DAY FOUR (25/10/08)

persimmon tree

breakfast with otousan and okaasan

sightseeing

dinner on last night together with host family!

DAY FIVE 26/10/08

exploring okaasan's garden

kyudo expert, otousan

the goodbye

back in tokyo, at national youth center for the youth leaders' summit

nighttime exploration

DAY SIX (27/10/08)

no pictures

DAY SEVEN (28/10/08)

at goodbye dinner

after dinner... supper! KANPAI!

met ex JPY, who talked to us alot and then walked back with us

phrase of the day: "sumimasen, MO IPPAI!"

DAY EIGHT (29/10/08)

institutional visit

going out, chionging last night in tokyo

harajuku shopping!!

SHIBUYA!!! OMGWTFBBQ!! excited exciting excitement

some red light district at shimbashi we thought was the clarke quay equivalent until we saw the geylang side of it

back at meguro because we 不醉不归！sake, shochu and beer!!!

i'm going off already cuz we're going to yokohama port to board nippon maru. tonight we'll still be in japan but living on board e ship.

okay goodbye! more pics on my two picasa albums: SSEAYP08 Japan Part 1 & SSEAYP08 Japan Part 2!!

opus 195; random pics and comments

2008-10-03T00:26:00.007+08:00

i was transferring photos from my phone onto the computer and found the following random pics that i took.

here're two i took while driving to school...

thinks, "if i use the phone to take pics while driving, is it the same offence as talking on the phone while driving?"

these are from a recent outing with michelle:

my takeaway: "if you can't make up your mind, go for the double-scoop."

ooh, monkey grew up.

to note: "i dress my role; i SUPER look like a teacher here."

from a more recent outing w my grandaunt and granduncle:

emoticon: /yarm

message: spot the spottable.

thinks, "what am i missing out on! these lower sec kids are having all the fun and i'm still single!! WTH!"

message: "i am a kaypoh singaporean voyeur."

i decided to add one from a long time ago as well:

how sweet to think that sometimes there are no accidents to cause jams and nothing special to report ... =)

opus 194; busy as a bee

2008-09-30T23:21:00.001+08:00

i've got tons of things that are blog-worthy, but i havnt had the time or energy to blog about them!

its 12 hours later already, because instead of a 15-min power nap, i slept 12 hours straight!

anyway, yes i've been busy preparing for our predeparture concert (pdc) for SSEAYP, as well as other nitty gritty stuff for NUSSO before i leave.

we've been training quite alot for the SSEAYP pdc and i've also been compiling this TOP SECRET SPY GUIDE ... it's actually just country profiles and info... plus useful words...

other than that i've been relief teaching at Maris Stella Primary... which reminds me, why havnt i blogged a single entry about that! its really an eye opener... i was/am considering being a teacher in the future, but somehow i feel like if i end up teaching i'm just giving up on my prospects... because its like... "those who can't do, teach"... it's like how every time i say "i'm majoring in lit" people will go "oh so you plan to be a teacher" -_-! and if u know me i juz hate it when people try to predict what i'm going to do! so i know i may sound silly if i really like teaching and i dont juz because of that, but i don't think i want to b a teacher that badly. it's nice and all, but of course there's the occupational hazard of talking to everyone you interact with like u would to your students.

anyway, i shall save the talking about my relief teaching experience to another entry!

i've been quite busy with NUSSO as well, although the concert's over and we're going to break soon for exams. we're hoping desperately to go for a trip to europe next year so we're working on our fundraising!

but i have to say that although i have all these things to do, i sometimes don't quite get about to doing them... because i get quite overwhelmed by everything and nothing gets done!

anyway i gtg! going to isetan german fair with jiajie and michelle.. tschuess!

opus 193; eccentric aquarius

2008-09-28T06:15:00.000+08:00

Aquarius

Always on a mission to save the planet, you plan to invent an anti-war device in your spare time.

A humanitarian, you don't step on ants and shout at your mum for not talking to her plants more often. Mates know you're eccentric, so they don't mind you recycling their old lipsticks or forcing them to drink green tea at slumber parties.

You consider yourself a misunderstood genius.

Most likely to dump someone because ... he thought Green Peace was a rock band.

Most likely to be dumped by someone because ... you decided to save water by not bathing for a month.

Your dream date is ... a romantic stroll through the organic food market.

Your pet hate is ... people who talk down to your cats.

Most likely to meet your end by ... handcuffing yourself to a tree in the Amazon rain forest and then dropping the key down a rabbit hole by mistake.

Your friends laugh at you because ... You think wearing your gran's clothes in an attempt to 'recycle' fashion is just fine.

Your kindred spirit is ... Lisa from The Simpsons. A moral miss with massive brains and big heart.

opus 192; the first post CM

2008-09-28T04:07:00.001+08:00

opus 191; charlie's come out to play

2008-09-21T03:28:00.004+08:00

after beer on tuesday,

cecilia and i were walking around clarke quay and, inspired by all the hot girls around us waiting to get laid (preferrably by white guys), we randomly arrived at the hot topic of SEX.

and seriously, since i lack the practical expertise in the area (spelt as "i am ey vur-geen"), i theorise.

my theory: sex is life.

my reason: life is a by-product of sex.

is this a totally wham-bang-double-you-tee-eff-what-hit-me theory?
well, i'm sorry, i plagiarise.

it's probably freud's, or dr tania roy's.

and who's charlie?
charlie's my testosterone-charged alter-ego who is responsible for all my politically incorrect, crude remarks.
if i make a comment and you're thinking, "omg what did charmaine just say?"
no, that wasn't a freudian slip. it was charlie in one of his charliean appearances.

and why charlie?
erm. maybe because i like chocolate?

opus 190; free katie!

2008-09-21T02:03:00.002+08:00

i don't really bother about such remote issues.

but that's enough reason to love america. or hate her.

opus 189; in heat!

2008-09-21T01:36:00.002+08:00

1. Immediately preceding oestrus, your female cat may become unusually affectionate, by sidling up and rubbing her hind quarters against furniture, stuffed toys, other cats, and/or her favorite human.

2. She may spend excessive time licking her genital area. Note: Lacking the other behavioral traits on this list, genital licking can be a symptom of a urinary tract disorder, which can be serious if not treated promptly.

3. The Queen (name for female cats of breeding age) will vocalize loudly. This "calling" may go on for several days, unless she mates.

4. She will assume a mating position: head down, forelegs bent, rear quarters raised to expose the perineum (this raised posture is called lordosis), with the tail raised and held to the side of the body. Her rear legs will tread rhythmically, as if walking in place.

5.Queenie may also spray vertical surfaces with a strongly scented fluid. She will accomplish this by backing up to the surface and raising her tail high. The tail may quiver, and she may perform the rhythmic treading described in step four.

6.If your female cat does not mate, she will go into oestrus as often as every two to three weeks, for several months each year, until she either mates or is spayed.
from here.

i was whining about being single and lonely and schauminn said i sounded like a cat meowing when in heat.

i certainly don't want to be spayed, so maybe i should mate?

oh and i certainly DO NOT lick my genital area or spray vertical spaces with a strongly scented liquid.

opus 188; to pan's "do aliens exist?"

2008-09-19T19:49:00.001+08:00

"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

— Calvin & Hobbes

opus 187; happy birthday MM Lee!

2008-09-17T03:34:00.003+08:00

i've never really felt pro-government or specifically pro-PAP, but it's MM Lee's birthday, and i really just want to write something nice about him.

although sometimes the climate in singapore leaves much to be desired, i really am filled with gratitude for what he has done for singapore (i'm slightly sceptical so my previous sentence may be uttered under the influence of alcohol and social studies).

of course it isn't one man's effort that made singapore what it is today, there were many contributors as well, but i think MM Lee's true success lies in his ability to lead really well.

among the many things i feel upset about, there are also so many things i feel thankful for:
the stamford raffles icon
the city skyline
english as first language
etc.

superficial as they may seem, i'm really thankful for these things that ensured our survival in the early years and shaped the singaporean culture as the years go by.

i appreciate MM Lee's ability to lead because, being president of nusso, i find it challenging to set a vision for a group of people, a goal for the future (even if it's just a year ahead), and motivate everyone to follow you.

with a country, however small, it is going to be far worse.

the goals are larger and further away, the decisions have to be made well (of course you can always publicise a good decision made and cover up the bad ones). one has to have great foresight, a sense of responsibility and destiny, and an immense amount of faith in the future.

somehow, despite all my unhappiness and/or apathy about singapore politics, i can't help but feel a deep sense of respect for MM Lee, especially on his birthday.

Happy Birthday MM Lee Kuan Yew!

opus 186; vegetarian hello kitty!

2008-09-15T12:49:00.005+08:00

oh nein this shirt is SO ME! i must get it by hook or by crook!

anyway i feel like i'm degenerating because my brain isn't working much, i have bad sleeping habits, i'm not earning money, i'm not learning anything, i'm wasting my day away doing stupid and pointless things, i don't spend much time with my family, i hardly see my dogs and cats, i hardly meet up with other friends...

i'm really running out of steam so please save me. my commitment phobia is most acute now. please hold on to my attention before i drift away.

this had better be worth it man.

anyway why when writers commit suicide we seem to accept that they do not need to have a reason to do so? we don't question anything - was there a third party, was he drunk, was he high on drugs, etc.

(narcissistic exhibitionism coming up)

about suicide, it was always a nice and dignified way of exiting life to me. of course i fear death - i'm not driven by faith or belief in a one true God and pleasant afterlife in paradise - i see death as a void, an absence, an erasure of my identity, an ultimate silencing of my freedom to think and act.

i think my existential fears are acting up again.

life is chaos. i see so much cruelty around and i feel that i really cannot believe in god. religion, to me, is many times a safety net for the cowardly, an excuse for bad behaviour.

i believe, though, in ethics.

and i believe that ethics exist separate from and beyond religion. ethics tell me to value life, to worship other sentient beings, respect their need to survive, their right from torture, the right to live a life free from fear, or imposed death. it encompasses human rights, animal rights and the rights of the environment to be unexploited. it doesn't mean worshipping a felt-but-not-seen, miracle-making god. i make my own miracles by respecting and valuing life.

but the very fact that hardly anyone thinks this way, makes me truly believe that life is chaos. it's aimless, the best you can do with life is not pray and think you're doing good, get all preachy and spread the faith, but really, just do good!

anyway that's what i live for, for others' right to live.

but i think if i choose to kill myself, like at the very end, when i really find nothing good to live for anymore, it's really a sign of victory. it says that i'm tired of life, and that i want to be the master of my own fate. i cannot choose my coming into this world but i can choose how and when i leave. that will be my reason for suicide.

but for now, i don't foresee myself commiting suicide anytime soon. i'm not suicidal ad i have so much ahead of me to look forward to. i care so much for those around me that i would never want to see them sad just because i'm gone.

and thats what i live for, not for a promised land and everlasting life after death. but for the present that i'm still unwilling to give up.

opus 185; why i love mid-autumn fest

2008-09-14T02:50:00.003+08:00

since im not celebrating it this year, i decided to go all nostalgic and come up with a few reasons why i love mid-autumn festival:

1. mooncakes love me.
2. i love pomelo.
3. i love chinese tea.
4. i love lanterns (esp the old school colourful paper and cellophane ones).
5. i love the moon (alot! i totally adore the moon!).
6. i love sparkles.
7. i love candles placed in formation.
8. i love being around my family on a bright moon-lit night, with mooncakes, pomelo, chinese tea, lanterns, sparkles and candles!

there you go, my 8 auspicious reasons.

haiz tomorrow is mid-autumn fest and i'll be in school all day. we only have free or cheap mooncakes at home this year, which sort of tells you how unprepared for MAF my family is. i think it has to do with the fact that my brothers are taking their PSLE and 'O' Levels this year... so abit no choice, no time for frivolous stuff like lantern-carrying.

which makes sense. i remember how stressed i felt during MAF ... because although i really wanted to spend time with my family, i felt like i was doing nothing at during the most precious hours of the night. so liddat lor.

opus 184; ich bin ein nettes Mädchen..

2008-09-13T00:27:00.004+08:00

juz wanted to blog about how i feel like im a pushover, and how my tolerance level is unthinkably high sometimes.

i just had an absolutely ridiculous conversation just now...

i think im just such a useless ninny sometimes.. just think of all the stupid scenarios i get into just because i dont flare up straight in people's faces. (c.f. opus 129, in which i was too pissed for words and too nice to mention names) of course i do bitch after each incident, incidentally to the right people.

oh well. let's just think of my tolerating all everyone's shit karmic goodness on my side.

for this entry and many more to come, i have decided to add a label "wtf".

opus 183; totally accomplished!

2008-09-12T21:16:00.007+08:00

i pangsei-ed joel, jj, michelle and whoever else this afternoon for lunch because i woke up late after getting home so late last night... and then remembered that i had to pia the NUSSO contact list for CFA...

which i did ... along with qinyi. and its quite all done already, so even though i pangsei-ed my friends today and stayed at home the entire day in front of my computer trying to collate the names and addresses and phone numbers and dates of birth...................... i feel totally accomplished!

i think what's adding to this great feeling of accomplishment is the fact that the september concert, Couleurs de L'arc-en-Ciel, is over... and although there were a few logistic screw-ups here and there, i think that overall it was a nice concert. i especially loved our group foto! =)

photos courtesy of ditong!

anyway.. yes it was very fun! the number of players this time is quite huge.. about 90 of us.. and the audience was amazing too! we had about 450 people in the audience, i think more than two times more than last year! all thanks to NLB's publicity and our own publicity drive!

it was a nice start and i'm looking forward to getting the photos from the photographers so i can start blogging on nusso.org about it... plus the audio and video recording so we can all remember the fun we had! =)

speaking of fun, the sseayp people turned up to support me!

so nice!

cecilia got her friend (whom i sometimes refer affectionately to as kendo boy) to give me the flowers! how sweet! and the BALLOON!!! omg. i was totally exhilarated when i got it!

only thing is when i went to pack up i left my balloon at a windless corner with my bags.. only to realise it was gone by the time i was ready! i suspect i was stolen by a hello kitty fanatic! GRR!!!

speaking of fanaticism, last night over dinner at nydc orchard, the girls at the table beside me were criticising hello kitty NONSTOP! i was thinking so shld i go show them some kitty power?!?!! GRR!!!!!

hahahah okok. i v long nv walk my dogs already so i shall walk them now!. bye!

oh oh here's the song:

whenever i am feeling low (chin han)
i look around me and i know (smoking)
there's a place that will stay within me (pok man)
wherever i may choose to go (chok tong)

i will always recall the city (.spy08@gmail.com)
know every street and shore (brothers)
sail down the river which brings us life ('s good)
winding through my singapore (pack by biore)

hAHHA sth tuty, kaifen n i came up with over dinner at NYDC

opus 182; endlich! Bier!

2008-09-12T03:31:00.002+08:00

endlich habe ich Bier getrunken! i dont know why each time i drink beer i feel like i'm a deutsch-spouting machine.

anyway i'm still awake after all that because when i came home i stared at myself in the mirror and said "oh no! all that beer n lack of sleep will kill my complexion!" and i went to put on a nice regulating face mask. hehehe.

we had bier after the dance practice at *scape. i SERIOUSLY have NO IDEA why it is called *scape.

is it...
asterisk-scape
star-scape
escape (thought it was in pasir ris?)
oops-i-mean-scape
????

so seriously, what is this place called? how do you pronounce "*scape"?

opus 181; sseayp poem

2008-09-11T17:05:00.004+08:00

last night's concert was really nice! i'm so relieved and happy. but first, since i have to go for culture prac later i decided to write a poem about sseayp training. (I AM A POEM MACHINE!!!)

i may have complaints but i really enjoy my time there because of all the fun people! enjoy the poem!

i thought its finished liao…
why we still prac like siao?

what orientation programme -
the conclusion is such a sham!

bluff me bluff me you bluff me
why we still must go pingyi?

now is much much worse lor
we prac until we break the floor

from dover go to bedok,
from bedok go to town.
are we really so terok
must prac till we fall down!

wahlao aiyo
why toa payoh
rental also not cheap
erp still make me weep

then come pingyi
make us sweaty
so unglam can!
please dun prac can?

suddenly you tell me
tomorrow go nacli
issit i hear wrongly
or really clementi

we whole day eat at fongseng
then go what asterisk scape
after all that supper
issit liddat den can stay in shape?

please la don’t so hiong can
u think i superman?
i also got no time machine
so pls pity my car’s engine!

haiya say liao also tired
but pls don’t let colonel see!
scarly he get me fired
den i sunday ownself lim kopi =(

opus 180; finding emo!

2008-09-09T01:06:00.002+08:00

been listening to german songs lately... all very nice!

actually the reason why i've been listening its cuz ive been really emo! its like ... the time has come for me to feel needy and vulnerable! wann kommst mein Prinz!

opus 179; the return of the charmaine

2008-09-08T14:06:00.003+08:00

I WANT TO BLOG!!!

even though i hardly blog anymore i still visit my blog very often ... only to be greeted by the same entry! so sad! but i think actually i'm really fishing for compliments... like if i post photos i hope pple like pan will come and comment ! hahahahah

lately i've been having some strange dreams... ive been coughing like mad.. so i think i get a little delirious and my unconscious gets SUPER out of control!

two nights ago my dream was divided into three distinct and separate parts...

first was really scary like totally nightmare, horror scenario. i was driving home from tuty's house and there was this X-junction where usually there'd be a T-junction in real life. and there were trucks and cars there with their headlights turned off even though it was super late in the night... and then the funniest part was they seemed to have dry ice or sth on them cuz there was a lot of smoke coming up from e cars! like birthday cake !!!

and the road blocks and cones were all replaced by pots of plants. then i made a right turn, as usual on my way home from tuty's place, and since one lane was blocked up on my right i filtered to the left and OMG! a GIANT TRUCK WITH SUPER BRIGHT HEADLIGHTS CAME RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and i swerved in a panic.. then

i woke up.

and i went back to sleep ... and part two of my dream began..

and in this part i was a sch teacher... and it was recess time and two kids came up to me complaining.. actually must cf my relief teaching experience. in real life, this pri 2 kid came up to me and complained, "miss tan, he called me apunehneh" ... and i was totally -_-!!! what shld i do?!?!! so in real life i really said "OK go back to your seat first."... and again must cf another part of my real experience, got a boy came to me complaining that he lost a piece of his chinese chess set, and he lost one yesterday too. then he kept accusing pple and complaining about it at the end of class (I WANT TO GO HOME TOO PLEASE!!!) ... so i said to the whole class, "those of you who took his things i want you to return them. stealing is an offence but if you return them now we will just forget this issue"... and i said "for those of you who lost your things.. WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR THINGS PROPERLY!!?!?!?! if things were already lost yesterday, then don't bring them again today to be stolen today!!" anyway they found the chess pieces, cuz some naughty boys went to hide it at some corner of the class and a good boy came to tell me about it. hahhaa

so anyway... in my dream an indian boy came to me and said sth along the lines of "he called me apu nehneh" and because of that he threw sand into the face of the chinese boy. so i was trying to pull them apart bec they got agitated .. blahblah. and somehow they hugged each other amiably after i scolded them! amazing! my little hopes for myself.

then i went for RECESS. cuz u know its really recess time and i had to deal with these naughty boys! and then actually i was supposed to be eating with a chinhan lookalike. my date for recess. how strange! and then actually earlier on michi chan msged me "i haf a test.. u'll find out later".. and she appeared during my 'date' and tested the chinhan lookalike! why do i insist he's a lookalike? cuz he was super super super unfriendly in the dream he was super pissed by michi-chan's presence.. but she kept pushing the limits!!! but i juz looked on, amused. heh!

then part 3 of the dream.

very long hor... haiz im tired just writing it.

anyway part three is strange. there's a nusso cafe (cf my pasta restaurant dream) and in my dream were mengwee and kee guen... strange! nusso cafe with nusws people. oh the dream featured the blue shirt im supposed to wear on wednesday, that i havnt found. AHH!

okay then last night's dream was also so strange. i dreamt i was going to watch NDP with mel and daniel. HOW RANDOM! then mel and i took the lift from our flat (??) and then the lift never reached first floor.. it went up and down and daniel was waiting and then it went to first floor and made a trip around the neighbourhood! the neighbourhood somehow resembled lorong ah soo where i used to stay until i was 8. yup that's it. we missed the ndp and we said we'd watch tmr's then. how strange!!!!!!!!!

okay that's all .

opus 178; sseayp foto fun

2008-08-27T00:41:00.003+08:00

wow very super long again nv bloG!! if you've been stalking me on facebook then u'd haf known that ive been taking a lot of photos thanks to sseayp... we've been having our photoshoot sessions, so i had alot of "cosplay" fun dressiNg up!

opus 177; alamak! i'm the intern again!

2008-08-22T13:19:00.003+08:00

found this on astronaut's blog and i'm so different from her! why!!! astronaut do you think we're really that different? am i immoral? where are my values!

The Intern
Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer

Act 2, Scene 1
An attractive young woman, the INTERN, sits at her desk. ROSS and MACGRUDER, two sales associates, stand near the water cooler.

MACGRUDER: Whoa! Get a load of the new intern! I'd like to file my proposal in her drawers.

ROSS: Easy there, MacGruder, you'll get us fired. [aside] I agree.

Exeunt.

Capable. Trustworthy. Carnal. The Intern.

From our experience, Interns are nice girls who would really, really like us to come on to them. They, like you, must be looking for sex, preferably from someone good-looking and successful. So... what are you doing later? Oh, okay, cool. Well, maybe next time? Okay, okay, jeez.

The thing is, you're a little bit quiet, so men think you're waiting for them to start things. You do like sex a lot, they're right about that, but few of them realize you're a genuinely thoughtful person.

You're choosy, not wanting to get mixed up with just anyone. Girls can get away with this kind of selectiveness for some reason. Most guys have to take whatever's lying around, passed out.

You're not necessarily looking for a steady relationship right now; that's cool. Be careful to avoid people trying to tie you down to anything other than bedposts.

Always avoid: The False Messiah (DBLM), The Vapor Trail (RBLM)

Consider: The Bachelor (DGSM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - free online dating | Dating

opus 176; losing, losing, lost!

2008-08-20T13:40:00.004+08:00

sometimes i really feel spaced out.

like so much to do so much to think of so much to care for

so much to worry about

i miss snuggling up to coalie. i wish i had the time.

Tan Charmaine is PMS-ing.

opus 175; Herr Richtig!! <3 <3

2008-08-13T11:02:00.005+08:00

oh my last night i dreamt of my Mr. Right! Herr Richtig! actually by right its THIS morning because i fell asleep at 1am!

but anyway i just couldn't bear to wake up from my dream!!

i was at some ulu place that i imagined (within the dream) to be somewhere near clarke quay.

(thinking back like a freudian dream interpreter, i realise that this is because the last time i went to liang court at clarke quay ... and it was really 面目全非 and i felt a super deep sense of sadness just thinking of how it once was part of my childhood and how it now looks so little like the past....)

okay .. then in the dream i was at this place and it's quite a rundown shopping mall and the food courts aren't exactly food courts because only got one stall! u know the olden days type, like canteen/cafeteria style. ok maybe now "olden days" but like hospital kind?? not now of course.. hospitals now have like.. kopitiam right??

anyway... then i was taking pictures bec i had my lovely sony not-so-cybershot with me (why not-so-cyber? because it keeps taking blur pics!!! only ONCE in a while i am pleased with the photos. plus the flash is too bright and jarring so pictures don't turn out nice either!)... i was taking pictures of weird stuff like an empty shop or sth... i remember the ceilings were v high and altho i was at e top level there were some shops u had to take a little escalator to reach (freud: charmaine, this sounds like parkway parade, remember? the place u used to go to with your mum when u were still a child) and there was this shop with glass windows i assumed YAMAHA used to be there.

random!

then my Herr Richtig, dream man, came along.

"do you want to be in these pictures? I could help you, you know"

and somehow i explained that "oh nonono! I'm juz feeling nostalgic so i'm taking pictures before these places fade away"

and somehow we ended up chatting and sitting with his parents at the food court... and we had so much fun and we were taking pictures with each other, etc etc.

OH! and a weird detail, he was yeda's friend! and yeda was there. so when i was leaving yeda said to us... "i'll send u both an email so you know each other's email and can send the pictures to each other!"

YEDA!!! maybe she's the key to me unlocking my dream and finding my prince!!

opus 174; mad about hello kitty

2008-08-12T01:51:00.004+08:00

pinch me, i must be dreaming!!!

Hello Kitty Grand Pianist, standing 7-inch in height and 10-inch in width, the miniature piano is fully functional and comes equipped with 88 keys (the width of each key is just 0.15-inch). Obviously, you can still operates this mini-sized grand piano properly with their hand. 100 classical, jazz and pop tunes are preloaded on its memory card which can automatically play the tunes on its own.

information from here.

i'm sorry i habitually search for newest hello kitty accessories and gadgets.

opus 173;

2008-08-10T20:33:00.002+08:00

oh my i really super long nv blog! actually alot of things have happened... like NUSSO chalet, horn section gathering at kbox, pan n yuhang neoprint session, hc band gathering until 12am, sseayp chit-chat session at changi T3 tcc until 3am...

so i've been lazy and slack in the other things i have to do thanks to these exciting events in my life!! actually my entire hols have been quite boring until now. so i'm very tired.. i'm quite sad school's starting next week but i'm not part of it... because i took a sem off to go on sseayp. i really like studying you know!! so its quite a pity. i think i should make a super good use of this time to catch up on reading and to improve myself! because i've been busy with sseayp and nusso so i havnt been able to read or do anything constructive to myself =(

anyway,,, i will update with photos again soon. but well, don't know when that'll be! /hur

okay byebye!! if you read this entry i'm very happy you're still reading my blog even though i hardly blog these days!!

opus 172; whee!! happiness is...

2008-07-31T23:36:00.003+08:00

u know im home now and im feeling SO GOOD!!!!! SOOO GOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!

i havnt felt so happy in a long long time.

why am i so happy!

because ... i dont know.. i think its because matric fair is over and i feel so happy about it... and i feel so excited about NUSSO chalet... and im so thankful that my exco is so hardworking and enthusiastic!

matric fair went quite well this year... here's us on decoration day ... with the kind help of chonghan n farid who are no longer in e exco!

the booth doesnt quite look different from last year's, does it? hehee... what to do u got me on e matric fair team and im conservative.

here's sth new... sth (along other things) i stayed up all of thursday night doing so that they will be done on friday morning (last week) for the start of matric fair. anyways,,, i did that so i could really really fall sick and end up with a fever and leave halfway and miss e sseayp residential training session the same weekend.

okay did u believe what i juz said? the part where i really fell sick and the things i missed are true... but ermmm i didnt quite do it on purposee... heh

anyway my last entry i mentioned talking to kaikiat?? here's us! nan de we talk so long must take a good picture! with the trumpet! i miss those days i was a junior and he was such a trumpet god and he used to encourage me when i practised very hard!! how nice !

anyway we got some amazing exchange students today... austauschstudenten!!! a german bassoonist, born in BONN like beethoven... an austrian trumpeter... 14 years of experience... ahh! and i feel so happy because i asked them where they were from after listening to their english.. u know german speakers have a very special way of expressing themselves, even in english... so u can pick them out... AHH what happiness!!

my personliche deutschlehrer!

otherrrr than that.

i'm still coughing like a... sick person.

really! its been one week since i fell sick .. and i show no signs of recovery, just a new symptom each day. MAYBE, maybe im lovesick! i need a prince to save me!

anyway im up for grabs ... but by invitation only,,,

i plan to get married on 1 march 2014... cuz 1/3/14, 一生一世！ so romantic!!!

so my target is to get to know a guy by 2011, and then 3 years later be happily married to him! /hur i am excited and looking forward to 2011!! we'll see how ugly my prince is!

opus 171; what ive been up to

2008-07-30T14:33:00.002+08:00

IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!!!! sorry i havnt been blogging!

there's actually a very practical reason why i haven't blogged properly (define "properly"?)... that is, i have a few google accounts and i've been checking my official nusso email which is different from the sign-in account to blogger and so i've not been able to get into blogger while being at my nusso email inbox.

other than that, i havnt been going out or meeting friends or taking pics so i have no bloggable content about my life.

lately though i've been at matric fair ... its been quite a fun time, even though i've been sick throughout. i fell sick last wednesday, and had a terrible runny nose thursday through friday, so i only did e first shift of matric fair duty on friday. i went home w a fever so i slept 16 hrs on friday night, not inclusive of the naps i took over at michelle teo's house aka the hospital.

why hospital? bec after making her bed, she gave me two yellow tablets and i took them and went to sleep on her brand new bed. she was such a good nurse!

then i went home and slept frm 7pm to 11am the next day.

but still was feeling groggy so i didnt go for sseayp training which was residential, saturday & sunday (i alr missed the thursday session)...

then monday i went for matric fair though i wasnt scheduled, cuz i cant rem who was sick and who was late and who couldnt make it.

i found myself an eye candy at matric fair /iwant ... totally my TYPE!! but haiz im doomed never to be with the one i love!! its really love at first sight.. but for most of my past relationships or pseudo-relationships its been also love at first sight. as in i decide this guy is good and somehow we're going to be together and by some stroke of luck we end up SORT of together. i cant say "we end up together" because somehow thanks to me it wont happen.

BUT ANYWAY, i did some groundwork because i really was so infatuated! thanks to my lack of any eye candy in the past months, im desperate!

den i realised aiya what the hell! actually im better off having an eye candy than anything usually more desired.

other than that, we had a farewell for joshua who's going to america for one year. he lent us his cds because he'd have no use for them when he's away... how nice! i got goldberg variations =) that night (mon night) we went to vivo for dinner then spent an amazingly nice time on vivo rooftop w our toes in e water. and we had icecream thanks to chonghan.

speaking of chonghan, i've been adding content to the NUSSO website with chonghan's help. so please go check it out !! go to NUSSO.ORG

anyway i saw kaikiat quite a few times... and not bad i even took pics w him in memory of seeing him!! he was arnd our booth for quite some time so not bad! what anice feelign! but mainly i think its cuz the windsym booth is beside ours.

oh well.

im tired already.

bye!

opus 170; lost chasing my own tail

2008-07-26T20:01:00.000+08:00

opus 169; im communist

2008-07-04T03:33:00.003+08:00

we discussed the above poster during critical writing module in yr 1 sem 1... and i realised, now with tudou, youku and all... we're actually supporting communism! and we love china for it!

jiajie and i were saying we super love it what china is today thanks to baidu, tudou, etc! hahahahah~

opus 168; what ive missed

2008-06-23T01:25:00.002+08:00

was reading cyril wong's livejournal and he talked about Temple, this local production for which i got complimentary tickets from NAC to watch...

that day itself i made the decision not to attend

"i will stay at home and practise piano and tonight, instead of watching the performance, i will walk you all!" exclaimed i in front of my dogs, in a voice too loud to be just meant for them to hear

oh well

just one of the many sacrifices we make everyday

time flies what am i doing

opus 167; i'll be bach

2008-06-20T20:10:00.002+08:00

opus 166; all the small things

2008-06-14T00:12:00.004+08:00

i dunno if the week's been crazy or not

when i went shopping with the UNC girls i got this skirt

its abit big but it was only 18 dollars and i loved the checkers so i totally had to buy it!!!

then on thursday i met shawn (yes harvard shawn) for breakfast at tampines mall macs, and after that i went shopping on my own and i bought these!

only 23 bucks each!

and they look so good when worn together that im so proud of myself and i paraded in my new clothes each time someone came home!!

what great buys!

and these pictures were taken on my new phone, which is the nokia 6500 slide that i juz got on monday

which reminds me that i have to write a complaint letter because the singtel staff were damn rude!!!! i was so pissed off and i really scolded her! i must tell everyone what happened!

basically the phone was lousy because when i closed the battery cover one corner cldnt close properly and it was sticking out like by 1.5 mm which is alot for sth as small as a phone.

i went back the next day (tuesday) and asked if its a prob w e phone and if i can change it. they looked at my phone and said within 7 days can exchange all i need to do is bring down everything to the shop.

so on thursday afternoon i went down to the same amkhub singtel shop and went to e service pple and asked if i can change. e guy said okay take a number bec got alot of pple in e line. so i queued up for a number.

when i got to the counter e woman asked how can i help you (in fact i dont think she was so polite) and then i said my phone cover cant be closed properly and i came once already they said bring everything back for an exchange.

and she opened it and closed it and held e phone in front of my face and looked at me with a duh expression like i nv owned a phone.

i was abit pissed off but i juz took e phone back and showed her e corner which was faulty.

then she took out one box to show me that all nokia phones were like this... and then she took out another. like i shld juz walk away. and i said but these boxes are not new... they dun even haf the plastic cover!

then she bushuang but she went back to get one w e plastic cover and REALLY didnt have that prob.

so i said this one is okay.

then she said then now i will give you a queue number. -_-!

and i got my number at 15:14. and then i waited and waited until 15:45 and still was not served. i was SO PISSED when she walked past i made sure to take note of her name and at the same time i said to her "why on earth did you talk so much just now. you could've just given me a number. i've been waiting for half an hour already! all thanks to you"

and soon i managed to be served ... i was alr fuming! still have to do some procedures. i spent like more than an hour at the stupid singtel shop! really WTF!!!

seriously, she's going to get it from me when i write in to complain. as part of the service industry she never smiled! and it wasnt even her business to prove to me that there was nothing wrong with the phone. crap! service in singapore sucks!

okay charmaine cheer up!

OH i just remembered, last time i bought shampoo at a shop at heartland mall and e shampo was about 1 or 2 dollars cheaper than fairprice, so my mum wrote in to ask why... and they replied that the shop was in the wrong and they will look into it. such a lame reply! my mum was so pissed she didnt even bother anymore. unfairprice!

AHH! im a sad singaporean today!

and GSS is fake! everything's still so ex!!!!!

opus 165; organ music 'instils religious feelings'

2008-06-11T01:29:00.004+08:00

Organ music 'instils religious feelings'
By Jonathan Amos
BBC News Online science staff, in Salford

People who experience a sense of spirituality in church may be reacting to the extreme bass sound produced by some organ pipes.

Many churches and cathedrals have organ pipes that are so long they emit infrasound which at a frequency lower than 20 Hertz is largely inaudible to the human ear.
But in a controlled experiment in which infrasound was pumped into a concert hall, UK scientists found they could instil strange feelings in the audience at will.

These included an extreme sense of sorrow, coldness, anxiety and even shivers down the spine.

Sound 'gun'

Infrasound has become the subject of intense study in recent years. Researchers have found that some animals, such as elephants, can communicate with low-frequency calls.

Infrasound can be detected at volcanoes and may provide a way to predict eruptions.

INFRASOUND STUDY
Lies in the range 10-20 Hz
On the cusp
of our hearing
Can vibrate internal organs
Volcanoes emit infrasound
Elephants and whales use it

And recent work by some of the scientists involved in this latest study found that hauntings - the feeling that something or someone else unseen is in a room or building - may also be explained by the presence of infrasound.
To test the impact on an audience of extreme bass notes from an organ pipe, researchers constructed a seven-metre-long "infrasonic cannon" which they placed at the back of the Purcell Room, a concert hall in South London.

They then invited 750 people to report their feelings after listening to pieces of contemporary music intermittently laced sound from the cannon, played a 17 Hz at levels of 6-8 decibels.

Feel the bass

The results showed that odd sensations in the audience increased by an average of 22% when the extreme bass was present.

"It has been suggested that because some organ pipes in churches and cathedrals produce infrasound this could lead to people having weird experiences which they attribute to God," said Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist from University of Hertfordshire.

"Some of the experiences in our audience included 'shivering on my wrist', 'an odd feeling in my stomach', 'increased heart rate', 'feeling very anxious', and 'a sudden memory of emotional loss'.
"This was an experiment done under controlled conditions and it shows infrasound does have an impact, and that has implications... in a religious context and some of the unusual experiences people may be having in certain churches."

Sarah Angliss, an engineer and composer in charge of the project, added: "Organ players have been adding infrasound to the mix for 500 years so maybe we're not the first generation to be 'addicted to bass'."

Details of the organ infrasound study are being presented to the British Association's annual science festival, which this year is in Salford, Greater Manchester.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/science/nature/3087674.stm

Published: 2003/09/08 08:31:16 GMT

© BBC MMVIII

opus 164; homestay!

2008-06-09T11:55:00.005+08:00

over the weekend i had leia and lisa from Uni North Carolina for homestay at my house..

these pics were taken by lisa with her nikon on sunday while we were on our way to pasir ris park... we met this man who was fishing with his son and his macaw! and the bird was super tame and nice...

anyway we cycled to pasir ris park and spent alot of time picking shells

singapore's beaches are SO DIRTY! i was so ashamed...

anyway on saturday i met them at city hall mrt station (thank you zhiqi) and we went shopping! my original plan was to go picnic at ECP, but as you know it was raining all morning and early afternoon. and they seemed equally excited abt shopping as me! so we walked all the malls at city hall (except raffles city, but all the shops are the same anyway) and went to bugis... leia bought a whole load of things,,, i managed to find a nice skirt at only $18 =D

anyway we had lunch at food junction at bugis.. ididnt mention that leia and lisa are vegetarian~!! how nice right.. and we had dinner at komala's in little india... we walked mustafa too but didnt manage to get anything.

on sunday itself we had spaghetti at home for lunch (because we woke up late) and then we had durian (their first time) and then we cycled to pasir ris park and whitesands... oh yes then we went home and listened to mrbrown podcasts and showered and went for dinner together with my family =)

okay then we went to suntec and they took the train back to PGP.... what a long day!

my legs are SO TIRED FROM CYCLING! obviously i havnt been exercising!!! haha!

oh i forgot to add that we also watched sex and the city at bugis, which makes it my second time watching that 2.5 hr movie!

opus 163; dreams are my reality

2008-06-06T11:57:00.001+08:00

i had the strangest dream two nights ago!

before i go on talking about my dream, i must make a disclaimer: i am neither pregnant nor attached! i dont have a baby and i dont have a boyfriend, in case anyone thinks what i am going to write is real!

but can you believe it! i think im growing up thats why my dreams are getting stranger! i dreamt i was going to have a baby! and the whole dream revolves around the relationship between me and the father of my baby, my imaginary boyfriend. this imaginary boyfriend is sort of like one of my guy friends but also like not, so i dont know =S

and the thing is, i felt v loved throughout the dream when i was with this boyfriend (because im desperate and i need a boyfriend) but when i woke up and thought through what happened, i realised he really didnt love me at all!

he was an MCP (jiajie's type, only worse) because he was sort of resenting that he had to become gentle and all that because of the change in our status... i even felt bad resting my head on his shoulder in public and i had to ask him if it was okay because i was afraid he'd feel unmanly! and got this part where i was sitting on his bike we reached a slope leading to the hostel where we stayed (kinkY!) and we got down to wheel the bike but he walked very quickly and ended up at the top of the slope and i had to wheel the bike all by myself even though i was having his baby!

SO, when i woke up and thought of all these, i realised that this guy totally doesn't love me!

and i concluded that...
my dreams are as bad as reality!

anyway don't you think i'm ready to move on to the next stage in life? hahahaha cuz i keep wanting to have a baby!

oh but strangely, although we were v happy with the baby in the dream and doing happy couple things (or so i thought) i also (within the dream) entertained the thought of an abortion cuz i was thinking the baby came at the wrong time... i draw the conclusion that i am rational!

if i were to do a freudian interpretation of my dream, i see all the threads in real life about which the dream content could have come.. the minutest details of my life!

but i really dont get it, what's with the MCP thing!?! why on earth?!

opus 162; junjou romantica!

2008-06-04T14:59:00.003+08:00

i dont think many people know this, but im a fan of this anime!!!!

junjou romantica! its SUPER NICE! not for homophobics though. they guys are always so shuai!!!

opus 161; tickle me emo

2008-06-02T00:44:00.003+08:00

this is SO FUNNY! dedicated to emo_astronaut_87! hahahaha!

anyway, i've been writing lately... i mean, creatively, lately, and i realised that there's this strange black hole in me that can sometimes suck everything in. it appears to be just emptiness but i know its more than that. oh gosh! im emo! emogirl87 is me! :'(

opus 160; architecture of silence

2008-06-01T21:02:00.003+08:00

i managed to watch this with my family last night

looks familiar? its the opening show for the Singapore Arts Festival 2008 and its called 'The Architecture of Silence' and although i read online reviews and it wasn't praised alot, i thought it was wonderful!

its the kind of performance i'd b okay with paying a hundred bucks per ticket for! of course i didnt get such expensive tickets la... but seriously! it spoke to me so well, i was awestruck throughout the performance!

they played Mozart's 'Requiem in D minor' and Preisner's 'Requiem for My Friend'... and had this wonderfully scary chorus at the back of the stage which totally added to the disturbing effect! i loved it!

i think it captured how art has evolved with man, after all that we've been through collectively, after two world wars and many other atrocities. i liked the unsettling feeling i got from the performance, and i liked the whole idea of it!

ohmy it was just SUCH AN AWESOME PERFORMANCE!!!!!! what a great start to the Singapore Artsfest!

opus 159; an artist of the floating world

2008-06-01T20:39:00.003+08:00

As Japan rebuilds her cities after the calamity of World War II, the celebrated painter Masuji Ono should be enjoying a tranquil retirement. But as his memories continually return to a life and career deeply touched by the rise of Japanese militarism, a dark shadow begins to grow over his serenity.

just finished this book this morning... i LOVE IT! typically kazuo ishiguro, all that about the unreliable yet very endearing narrator. i liked it so much i really was so sad i had to finish reading it, i had to take a deep breath before flipping to the last page!

i realised that i usually feel this sense of attachment as i reach the end of the book, like that's as far as i can go with its characters.. like their world fades into nothingness, into this darkness or void i can never ever reach. like in some absurdist play the characters just lose meaning after i close the book. its so scary! suddenly i don't feel like i dare to read any book ever again!

but alas, ive begun on Yasunari Kawabata's 'Master of Go'.... hmmm! must stop slacking and start doing important things! how quickly the weekend goes by!

anyway, i prefer this novel to the longer one we did for EN2111, 'The Remains of the Day' that won ishiguro the Booker. it's much easier to read somehow, less tiring and more concise. i felt the same attachment to his protagonist in the longer novel, but i also remember feeling very tired after i finally finished reading the book. hmmm, in other words, i think 'An Artist of the Floating World' rocks big time and everyone should read it!

opus 158; sky of love

2008-06-01T02:07:00.003+08:00

ive been crying for the past hour!!! i think i cried a bucket full of tears!!! because of this movie!

if you know me well enough you'll know i hardly cry for sad movies!!! and this time i KNEW it was sad and i just wanted to watch it cuz i've been seeing e vcd in stores for quite some time ... and i saw many comments from pple who've watched it on crunchyroll, saying it was super sad and they cried nonstop... and i thought okay i probably wont end up like that because anyway the volume isnt too good and i hardly cry

BuT GUESS WHAT!

i cried nonstop too! SO CMI! =(( why liddat! why so sad!

im still so sad!!!!! and my eyes are already swollen! i dont have to sleep in teary eyes to wake up looking puffy-eyed, i already look like that! thanks to marathon crying!! oh gosh the ice has melted im going to be so emo n depressed! hahahahaha

okay enough must neutralise this experience w sth light and happy!

opus 157; must-have

2008-05-31T11:29:00.002+08:00

a must-have for my future home! im totally in love with this. ive seen a few black or white ones around but none are as cute as a colourful one! i saw this in germany! /love

opus 156; second upper again!

2008-05-31T00:37:00.003+08:00

im damn happy! i forgot today is release of resultss,, but anyway i realised i got second upper again!!!! actually i last time results v gd one u know, sem one was 4.2 (i think not bad la) but sem 2 i died with 3.5 den i tried so hard to pull it back up!

i damn happy about my results~! although only improved by 0.06!

EN3226 Shakespeare A-
EN3241 Literature and Psychoanalysis B+
EN3265 South Asian Literatures in English B+
HY2232 From Samurai to Sony: History of Japan B+
LAG3203 German for Academic Purposes A-

now CAP is 4.03 ... WHEE! second upper again!

im very happy because i got an A- for shakespeare! even though my exam essay was filled with sex! =O because i wrote about the movies 'Romeo + Juliet' and 'Shakespeare in Love'! and german A- is the highest i've gotten so far! expected better, but quite glad already =D the best part is my lit modules didnt get below B+, which i think is great! and HISTORY OF JAPAN I NEARLY THOUGHT I'D FAIL IT YOU KNOW! but got B+! YAY! so happy!

whee!

to reflect my happiness i shall show you all a typical convo (this time celebrating our great improvement of mine and her CAP of 0.06 and 0.08 points respectively) between my pasir ris friend jiajie and me!

that's just part of it!

opus 155; clash

2008-05-29T11:44:00.002+08:00

why everything i want to do during the hols must clash with each other! then i can't do anything! =(( sian.

opus 154; my existential crisis

2008-05-28T12:25:00.003+08:00

yesterday night after duty at the festival maze (singapore arts festival at raffles city) i decided not to go home too early since parking was per entry, i'd only have to pay $2.68 after 5pm. i was walking around the shopping mall when i somewhat awkward. i think it's because i was dressed so sloppily and wouldn't it look weird, me walking around alone. so i decided to walk out of the shopping mall and head for god-knows-where.

i started by walking to the chopsticks memorial park and i realised that there's a little fountain area around the chopsticks, something i never noticed before, so i concluded it was new. the chopsticks memorial was somewhat sinister at night though, tall and looming. it's really VERY tall when you stare at it from right at its foot.

i then walked to the park opposite esplanade, the place with the pretty fountain. sometime in my past it was my favourite place for a date, i always loved how that place looked and felt. anyway, i wasn't feeling at all nostalgic. there were couples everywhere i even saw two stray dogs playing with each other. big dogs like my own. where do they go during the day? i walked in their direction because i wanted to check if they had an owner, but they started staring at me so i just looked away and walked on. i know better than to provoke dogs!

then i walked and walked and arrived at the asian civilisations museum and then arts house and then timbre.. and i was afraid of seeing people i knew, because it was really anti-social of me to be walking around at night all alone. and then i quickly moved on, i stared across the river for a while, stood there and wondered if anyone was doing the same as me, searching for something i have no idea of.

then i walked over to the parliament house, and south bridge road and things started to get stranger, alot of old shophouses and ktv lounges and restaurants .. but i kept walking until i saw ahead wld b chinatown, so i made a turn and went to clarke quay, riverside point and liang court.. liang court looks SO different now.. i remember there was the safari restaurant inside.. there was isetan and kino, and there was swensons and that swensons bus-like thing at the entrance... the high ceiling and the bubble lifts within the building. if you go there now, you'll see alot of extensions made across the interior of the building, most of the shops are still not open, kino's open and so are many restaurants. when you reach the uniquely singapore tourist information counter you'll see the bubble lifts and the high ceiling. now that makes me nostalgic!

and then i went out and somehow ended up looking at pple torture themselves in the name of fun at the inverse bungee thing and i never knew there was this extreme swing thing that brought you up SO SUPER HIGH and just let go of you so you swing and swing and swing... SO SCARY!

then i walked over to MICA, the old police post with colourful windows, then past the heritage centre ie the old fire station and then past peninsula plaza etc and got to more recognisable places until i ended up where the festival maze was and i went back into raffles city to my car parked at B3.

what a day! i just walked aimlessly and felt so helpless and i realised that far from making me appreciate life, the long stroll made me realise how pointless everything seemed. but i live for so many things and people and i will continue to do so. but i realised the vacuum in me that nothing can fill and i realised how brittle i am and one day i will lose myself in this search for meaning. it is not romantic love i'm looking for, hardly love at all. love keeps me happy by distracting me from my existential worries and fears. and i realised that its not nostalgia im trying to evoke, im just trying to work out what age does to our minds, how meaning slips through my fingers like sands of time.

i realised, i realised, i realised.

it's more like i supposed, i reasoned, i hypothesized.

opus 153; sometimes and why

2008-05-24T00:12:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish i could disappear into a small corner of the world where no one would find me and there i would hold my breath as long as i can and listen carefully to my heartbeat and feel that i am alive

and i feel all the anger dissipating all my insecurities melting away

the core remains and i know who i really am

why does it not feel good to help someone how do i overcome myself and my prejudices how do i make it right why doesnt anyone see from my point of view why is everything every experience so incommunicable

why do these words fail to tell what i really feel inside
the crunching of my heart like a ball of wastepaper
its weight that threatens to displace my heart into my stomach my uterus my intestines and finally to expel my heart like faecal excrement like menstrual blood

why do i say so much and mean nothing

opus 152; maternal

2008-05-23T10:44:00.005+08:00

Aquarius - May 23, 2008
As a natural healer, you might find yourself experiencing a rush of transforming energy today, which you should put into practice. This is a great time to study natural healing modalities such as herbs or aromatherapy, or to go for a massage. Combine them with your innate healing abilities, dear Aquarius, and you might be quite happy with the results. Your mind is especially receptive right now, and you'd retain more of what you learn than you usually would.

Daily Planet Overview
An interesting transit of Mercury trine Chiron, will help you heal negative attitudes and motivate you to change your perspective. Educate yourself on the power of the mind, and it’s ability to heal the body and soul.

Your Horoscope - Tomorrow, May 23, 2008
Consider channeling your philosophical inspirations into some creative writing, Charmaine. As an air sign, you certainly enjoy this type of activity. Even if you haven't explored this before, there's no better day than today to give it a whirl. Why not start a journal if you haven't done so already. This will give your ideas a place to gather and can become a starting point for further reflection. Or you could try your hand at poetry and fiction as well.

Your Chinese Horoscope - Week of May 19, 2008
You must share your thoughts if you want change at work or at home. Tuesday could bring a powerful connection with someone far away. It may not mean what you expect. Relax and do nice things for yourself midweek. It's possible to move beyond a disappointing situation on Thursday. Friday brings romantic opportunities for some lucky Rabbits. This weekend supports taking a serious look at your lifestyle. Make changes to save money and reduce stress. Expect happy surprises on Sunday.

been feeling like having my own child lately, although i cant think of anybody to be the child's father! i told my mum to adopt an orphan from sichuan, because the babies on the news are so cute! i wish i cld have a little sister! i wish i cld have a daughter! =(

opus 151; bus 151

2008-05-23T03:21:00.003+08:00

i remember i used to take bus 151 home frm sch .. and i had to change before hougang to bus 81 or 53. the buses took AGES! always suffered frm butt ache from the ride!

anw last wk we went wala-wala to celebrate michelle's birthday!

Bier macht Spaß! where there's beer, there's always fun!

opus 150; i recommend!

2008-05-21T12:57:00.004+08:00

i read Natsuo Kirino's 'Out' lately and i really liked it! it is a little gruesome, but readable. i expected worse when i read the reviews, but the gruesome scenes aren't everywhere or too disturbing. they're just right. what's interesting is that natsuo kirino is quite an amazing writer, the way she portrays her female characters. i appreciate it that she's a female novelist.

i also watched the following movie on crunchyroll, Takashi Miike's 'Visitor Q'.

okay this movie is strange but i liked it as well. another M18-movie recommendation after Shion Sono's 'Strange Circus'. heh. that one was disturbing. this one is disturbing because it is SO STRANGE but still you're not disturbed. =O

the quality of this film on crunchyroll isnt too good, but on the whole there's also the idea of the onlooker, the one who's looking through the lens... because we keep having one of the characters videotaping other characters, whether its when the man sleeps with his daughter, the boy gets bullied by classmates or the office worker gets sexually assaulted by the man (all sound pretty strange right?). and then there's this woman (the mother) who enjoys induced lactation. HOW STRANGE!

why visitor Q? because its just about what happens when this from-nowhere stranger comes to live with the dysfunctional family and when he leaves, he changes their lives but at the same time restores and heals the family. albeit in the weirdest way possible.

anyway, the violent scenes got SO COMICAL i was really laughing out loud. ME, laughing at violent scenes! you dont get that often.

once again, i think the strange is always stranger than you think.

opus 149; CHRISBOTTI!

2008-05-21T00:12:00.003+08:00

thanks to chonghan i got tickets to watch chris botti! THIRD ROW! amazing leh! i tink from now on i will be at his every concert in singapore! plus im going to own his CDs!

actually im just lusty, because he's super shuai! you know, with the trumpet and all! and he's already 46! UNGLAUBLICH! more than twice my age!! and i think really seductive leh! i was thinking more of like cleopatra seduction, referring to this critical essay on shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra, where the writer was saying that the opposite of porn is seduction, and like the object of desire is constantly displaced, its not there where we want it to be... and i think its the same for like an infatuation with someone shuai and talented (and rich) like chris botti, because what do you like really! it will not b the same if u were his gf! it will b best left at the level of desiring. that's my conclusion!

but anyway, he REALLY very shuai! haiz! and the other musicians were SO talented too! really great!

was hoping he'd play this though: